I don’t talk about it much on here, but the truth is, I’m supposed to be losing weight. Not supposed to be as in someone (my doctor, my boyfriend, society as a whole) told me I should lose some weight, but supposed to be as in I consider myself to still be on the weight-loss journey I started over two years ago. I still want to get to my goal weight (which currently is in the range of 130 – 140), and I’d like to get there sooner rather than later.
The trouble is my weight loss journey has become more of a weight-loss rest-stop. I’ve mostly just been maintaining the weight I loss in the first 9 – 12 months of the journey. I’ve gained back about 10 pounds from my lowest weight, but that’s mostly due to my epic winter laziness. I still eat much healthier than I did two or three years ago. I eat more whole foods. I eat less highly processed “foods.” At least 95% of my meals are made at home. I try new foods. I eat (and enjoy!) Brussels Sprouts now for god’s sake!
However, lately my focus on nutrition has been almost as lax as my workout schedule. Yes, I’m eating lots of whole, unprocessed foods, but a fair percentage of them are in the form of cupcakes made from real butter, flour, eggs, and milk or dinners using whole milk, full-fat cheese, and more butter. So yes, while I’m eating real full-fat cheese instead of low-fat (or worse, fat-free) cheese-like product, but I’m eating too much of it. Oh, and even though I enjoy eating Brussels Sprouts now, I don’t do it nearly often enough.
There’s also the issue of general complacence when it comes to my weight. I’ve gotten complacent, and I know this is a major hindrance in losing more weight. My complacence comes from the fact that I’m not particularly uncomfortable at my current weight/ size. Yes, I want to be thinner. As much as I’m not vain; I’m still vain. I admit it. We’re all a little vain. Anyone who says she (or he!) isn’t is probably lying to you. I guess maybe there’s a spectrum of vanity, and I fall more toward the “less vain” end. Anyway, not the point here. The point is that while I’d like to be thinner (and it would probably be healthier for me to be about 20lbs lighter), I really am pretty okay with my current size/ weight.
Truth be told, the thing that tends to motivate me toward actively losing weight is when I get to a point where I’m not comfortable with my size. However, that should not be my primary motivation for quality nutrition and fitness. I like cooking high quality meals. I like eating fresh produce (though I almost always favor fruits over veggies.) I like the feeling of energy I get even after the most sluggish run. I want my body to be healthy. I want to feel that sense of accomplishment in kicking ass in my next half.
I need to shift my motivation and start eating more whole foods in the form or fruits and veggies rather than baked goods and doing quality, well-rounded workouts for the way these things make me feel. Then the weight loss should come on its own. And if it doesn’t, maybe this is just my body’s preferred weight. I’m not uncomfortable so that’s okay.
So, what’s the point of all my ramblings? I’m not really sure. I suppose this is my recommitment to eating even better and losing the 15 – 20lbs that would put my weight into the “healthy” BMI range and maybe developing some upper body strength which exceeds that of a toddler. Or maybe it’s just time to get my priorities in order.